…and your motivational monday thought….
Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”…Mary Anne Radmacher
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
I love dance….watching it, dancing myself, choreography…everything about it! As I’ve mentioned before, one of my favorite shows is Dancing with the Stars and this past season one of my favorite contestants was Nyle DiMarco, the winner of America’s Next Top Model, who happens to be deaf, and his partner, professional dancer, Peta Murgatroyd.
Academy award winner, Marlee Matlin, also deaf, was on Dancing with the Stars a few seasons back and she was good. She could feel the vibration of the music, which is amazing, and I’m assuming Nyle could feel a little bit of that too, but he was “leading,” as men do in dance, so it was a bit more challenging and he was up to the task. I could go on and on, but this past Monday’s dance literally brought the judges, many in the audience,…and me…to tears. It was so powerful, the main reason being that he wanted to convey through dance some of the journey that deaf people take as they walk through life. He has a message and it was profound….enjoy…
Judge Carrie Ann Inaba summed it up by saying “I have to say, in 22 seasons, that is the best dance I have ever seen.” I couldn’t agree more!
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
It enveloped us like a big hug, it gave us incredible memories….three fireplaces (now 4), large rooms, a built in bar, room for 5 kids to have their own “spot” for gifts at Christmas, parties galore, The Court of 3 Sisters, forts, the chicken coop, 13 orange trees, the gazebo, Christmas dinner….and the pool.
My parent’s bought our home in the San Fernando Valley back in 1966 (or was it 67?) and it has been in our family ever since. We, my siblings and I..and our families, have some great memories of the old red barn house where we grew up. My parents owned it until 1990, at which time they decided to down-size, and my sister, Mariellen, and brother-in-law, Peter, purchased it from them and raised their family.
When there were seven of us living there it was a hodge-podge of bedrooms. My sisters and I shared a large room, with two walk-in closets and adjoining bathroom, my oldest brother was in a converted room that was originally the kitchen and my other brother was in a small bedroom off my parent’s bedroom…which is just odd! I’m the only one who can stand in there…it’s got really low ceilings…and he had to walk through my parent’s bathroom and bedroom to get to the rest of the house. Such is the life of a large family. My parents just made it work. Eventually the chicken coop out back was paneled and converted to a bedroom, which is when my oldest brother moved out there and my other brother got to move into the converted kitchen room. I’m sure he couldn’t wait to move down there! They converted the den into a much larger kitchen and it was a comfortable place for all of us to grow up.
Our home was straight out of a Currier and Ives painting and it never seemed happier than at Christmastime. When we were young Christmases were magical…with a little nook next to the fireplace for our nativity scene and each of us having a special place for our presents in the living room. M&P continued the Christmas traditions through the ensuing years….adding even more yuletide decorations as time went on.
When M&P bought the home back in the early 90’s it needed, to say the least, a little work! With Peter’s frustrated architect mentality and Mariellen’s amazing decorating and space-planning skills they transformed it into quite a show-piece…even more warm and inviting than when the seven of us lived there….and it was pretty cozy back in the day!
M&P are downsizing themselves and they spent their last night there this past Sunday night. It’s bittersweet, but mostly sweet! We all have amazing memories in that home, but we would probably all agree that it was time, and our family home was ready, for a new adventure. I’m so excited for my sister and brother-in-law and their new home adventure and the amazing places they’ll live. Even my niece and nephew, their children, think it’s time and a great move for them.
One of the main reasons I started this blog was to have a living diary of sorts that my grandchildren and generations to come would be able to come back and reference. So, for posterity reasons, here’s a snapshot of the family home….to be honest, this is the new & improved M&P home that shows it in all it’s glory (the original bones are still there though). They did a lot of work and it shows. Here you go….
It’s empty now, but I know the new owner will create fun and amazing memories in our beloved home!
Thanks for joining me on this trip down memory lane, reliving some great moments in a great home that our parents had the vision to buy and M&P had the tenacity and perseverance to bring back to life.
…and the sails will have to be adjusted as we close this chapter in our family.
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
“Your journey is not determined from where you begin”…Jahana Hayes, 2016 National Teacher of the Year
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
“Change your performance by changing your mindset”…Shawn Achor I know that may sound very simplistic, but it really is that easy….and science has proven it! Okay, it’s not easy, but with practice I think it becomes one’s norm.
After listening to the 12 chapters on the Fulcrum and the Lever it occurred to me that my signature quote on emails and at the end of every blog post embodies this principle…“You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”
Everyone has the choice and free will to adjust their attitude from a negative mindset (pain, stress, uncertainty) to a positive mindset (gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism). Achor uses the see-saw to explain this principle. If two boys are on a see-saw and one is larger than the other you can change the position of the fulcrum to even out their weights and make it easier for the lighter boy to lift the heavier boy….or the boulder in the above picture. By adjusting your brain with more positive thoughts, which translates into actions, you can change your reality (I underlined that because you’re perception is almost definitely different than someone else’s and therefore becomes YOUR reality..not the only reality). The world changes based on the observer.
Because this is the basic premise of the this principle I thought I’d just cite some of the studies that Achor cites, to show you how powerful the mind is and how your mindset can change your reality.
These are just a few of the studies Achor sites to prove his point. Your mindset predicts your future and your brain reacts to what you think will happen even before it happens. He then goes on to explain that when you change your mindset as it pertains to unpleasant activities, it can change your perception of them and hopefully make them less unpleasant. I used his strategy on one of my least favorite things to do…laundry. Instead of thinking “ugh, I have to do laundry today!” I said to myself “how lucky am I that I have a washer/dryer right in my garage that makes it easy to do my laundry!” I know it may sound silly, but it really did make the task more pleasant and I seemed to get it done faster. I didn’t have a washer/dryer for over 3 years (except for my good friend Renee!) and it is easier now to do my laundry….and for that I’m grateful!
The more you believe you will succeed, the more likely that you will. I can actually use my kids as an example on this one. My son is not a tall man (he’s taller than the 5’2″ was-band, but he wouldn’t be confused with a basketball player), yet I don’t think it ever occurred to him that he couldn’t play a sport that he wanted to play. He had never played football until his freshman year of high school, yet he was the starting center and given the “un-sung” hero award at their banquet because, as the coach said, “this line-up shouldn’t have worked, but it did.” He had also never played lacrosse before high school, but ended up as goalie, played four years in college and went on to coach it for a year in England after college. My daughter got A’s in math in 5th grade, but her 5th grade teacher recommended her for 6th grade math instead of pre-algebra, where all of her friends were placed. She was so crushed that we had to petition for her to be in pre-algebra, which is where, against her counselor’s recommendation, she ended up in 6th grade. She then went on to take Geometry in summer school between 7th & 8th grade, had to walk over to the high school to take Algebra in 8th, went to the local college for her senior year math class and minored in Math in college. Her determination to succeed…and also probably to prove her 5th grade teacher wrong…made it happen. They both remember me saying to them on more than one occasion, when they’d say to me “I can’t” I’d usually say, “well, with that attitude you’ll be right!”
Now, Achor goes on to say that it doesn’t mean that you should have false or unrealistic affirmations or belief in your abilities, like “I’m the greatest thing in the world”….I think that’s called narcissism….but it does mean that it’s important to believe that you can improve your abilities. Which brings me to a growth mindset…the belief that allows you to change through experience and the application of skills…as opposed to a fixed mindset…the belief that this is as good as it gets and that’s it, period. Self doubt and the belief that something can’t happen starts you out at a dis-advantage. Focus on the successes, not what might, or did, go wrong….learn from the failures, and you should fail in order to know what NOT to do next time.
There are many more chapters on fulcrum/lever as it pertains to the workplace, focusing on finding your calling using this principle…and how managers and bosses can use this positive mindset to create a pleasant, more productive work environment. As I’ve said before…get the book or download it on audible (it’s great to listen to in the car)..this is just a synopsis…although it is quite a long post!
Lastly, I like that Achor references Sonja Lyubomirsky’s belief that we ‘create or construct happiness, as opposed to the more popular pursuit of happiness’ because it is something we can create if we put our mind to it.
“You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
It seems that every day brings a million new apps and websites to click on and try out….and it’s hard to keep up…here are a few of my favorites…
Unroll.me.. This is an awesome website/app that takes all of your subscriptions/junk mail/websites and rolls them into one neatly organized file. It keeps your in-box from being cluttered, but also allows you to get those “deals” you don’t want to miss, but maybe when it’s more convenient for you.
The Skimm…I think most of you already get this one, but if not what are you waiting for? It’s a concise synopsis of current events delivered to your inbox every morning. The snarky lingo makes it fun too!
Lennyletter...Feminism, style, health, politics, friendship and everything else from Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner.
You don’t always need a plan.
Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go
and see what happens…Mandy Hale
Sometimes you just need to take the leap
and build your wings on the way down…Kobi Yamada
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
My book club read The Swans of Fifth Avenue by Melanie Benjamin this past month and I had them all over last night….book club, not the swans. It’s a fictionalized account of Truman Capote and his relationship with the society women he called his swans. The people and some events were true, but Benjamin takes liberties with some events too and conversations that may or may not have taken place.
The book starts out very dishy and gossipy and we all thought it would be an “I can’t wait to get home and read it” kind of book. It was not….but it was an interesting and very disturbing look at the top 1%. It’s hard to believe at times how out of touch with reality these people are and their lack of moral compass. Let’s just say Truman Capote was not a nice man…great author, but not a nice man. I enjoyed the book and all the references to New York City and I would recommend it, but it’s not a “can’t put it down” kind of book.
I do love a theme though and decorating the table is always the most fun when I have a dinner party!
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
Thanks to my friends…who happen to be neighbors…Jan, Kelly and Vicki, I enjoyed a glorious afternoon last weekend strolling through the beautiful and historical Floral Park enclave in Santa Ana. It was their annual home tour. The pride of ownership shows in every detail in every home and garden we visited. I learned about a few new plants I’d like to add to my yard and some adorable decorating ideas.
It’s best said with pictures…….Enjoy!!
I got away with taking pics in the first house and then had to sneak the others…not as many as I would have liked to share, but get tickets next year so you can enjoy it too! It’s usually in April and there’s a boutique, vintage car display and food vendors too! …or if you can’t wait, just drive through this historic neighborhood and take in the beautiful homes and gardens.
You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!