Memorial Day…thanks and motivation

a tribute and thanks to all who keep our country free and safe

…and your motivational monday thought….

Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”…Mary Anne Radmacher

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

The Sound of Silence

I love dance….watching it, dancing myself, choreography…everything about it!  As I’ve mentioned before, one of my favorite shows is Dancing with the Stars and this past season one of my favorite contestants was Nyle DiMarco, the winner of America’s Next Top Model, who happens to be deaf, and his partner, professional dancer, Peta Murgatroyd.

Academy award winner, Marlee Matlin, also deaf, was on Dancing with the Stars a few seasons back and she was good.  She could feel the vibration of the music, which is amazing, and I’m assuming Nyle could feel a little bit of that too, but he was “leading,” as men do in dance, so it was a bit more challenging and he was up to the task.  I could go on and on, but this past Monday’s dance literally brought the judges, many in the audience,…and me…to tears. It was so powerful, the main reason being that he wanted to convey through dance some of the journey that deaf people take as they walk through life. He has a message and it was profound….enjoy…

Judge Carrie Ann Inaba summed it up by saying “I have to say, in 22 seasons, that is the best dance I have ever seen.”  I couldn’t agree more!

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

An Homage to the Family Home

IMAG0916It enveloped us like a big hug, it gave us incredible memories….three fireplaces (now 4), large rooms, a built in bar, room for 5 kids to have their own “spot” for gifts at Christmas, parties galore, The Court of 3 Sisters, forts, the chicken coop, 13 orange trees, the gazebo, Christmas dinner….and the pool.

My parent’s bought our home in the San Fernando Valley back in 1966 (or was it 67?) and it has been in our family ever since.  We, my siblings and I..and our families, have some great memories of the old red barn house where we grew up. My parents owned it until 1990, at which time they decided to down-size, and my sister, Mariellen, and brother-in-law, Peter, purchased it from them and raised their family.

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When there were seven of us living there it was a hodge-podge of bedrooms.  My sisters and I shared a large room, with two walk-in closets and adjoining bathroom, my oldest brother was in a converted room that was originally the kitchen and my other brother was in a small bedroom off my parent’s bedroom…which is just odd!  I’m the only one who can stand in there…it’s got really low ceilings…and he had to walk through my parent’s bathroom and bedroom to get to the rest of the house.  Such is the life of a large family.  My parents just made it work.  Eventually the chicken coop out back was paneled and converted to a bedroom, which is when my oldest brother moved out there and my other brother got to move into the converted kitchen room.  I’m sure he couldn’t wait to move down there! They converted the den into a much larger kitchen and it was a comfortable place for all of us to grow up.

Our home was straight out of a Currier and Ives painting and it never seemed happier than at Christmastime.  When we were young Christmases were magical…with a little nook next to the fireplace for our nativity scene and each of us having a special place for our presents in the living room.  M&P continued the Christmas traditions through the ensuing years….adding even more yuletide decorations as time went on.

When M&P bought the home back in the early 90’s it needed, to say the least, a little work! With Peter’s frustrated architect mentality and Mariellen’s amazing decorating and space-planning skills they transformed it into quite a show-piece…even more warm and inviting than when the seven of us lived there….and it was pretty cozy back in the day!

M&P are downsizing themselves and they spent their last night there this past Sunday night. It’s bittersweet, but mostly sweet! We all have amazing memories in that home, but we would probably all agree that it was time, and our family home was ready, for a new adventure.  I’m so excited for my sister and brother-in-law and their new home adventure and the amazing places they’ll live. Even my niece and nephew, their children, think it’s time and a great move for them.

One of the main reasons I started this blog was to have a living diary of sorts that my grandchildren and generations to come would be able to come back and reference. So, for posterity reasons, here’s a snapshot of the family home….to be honest, this is the new & improved M&P home that shows it in all it’s glory (the original bones are still there though). They did a lot of work and it shows.  Here you go….

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the court of 3 sisters…my dad named it after the famous one in New Orleans. This is with the newer kitchen addition.

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view of the courtyard from the kitchen table
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the much applauded kitchen addition by sis & b.i.l…so cozy!

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dining room with sliding glass doors on right that open up to the backyard and pool
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As a kid I just assumed that most people had a full bar in their home
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the den…this was the kitchen when we were growing up
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the big living room with room for all of our Christmas “spots”
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behind the couch in l.r….I spent many a night sleeping in that comfortable window seat
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the piano at the end of the l.r. where we sang Christmas Carols…and my younger sister sang Ave Maria
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this room was the original kitchen

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one of the four bathrooms
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this was originally a den where we watched TV as kids, then became my dad’s office and then finally my b-i-l office
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this was originally my sister’s and my room, with attached bath and two walk in closets….then my niece’s room…looks so much less cluttered!
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updated bathroom…again, it didn’t look this good when the three of us were sharing it!
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seating area in my sis & b-i-l bedroom
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this pic and the other don’t show the grandness of the master bedroom
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my sister’s going to kill me that I didn’t at least close the drawers to take this pic…they were packing!
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that little door leads to my brother’s original bedroom..can you imagine walking through your parent’s bedroom to exit your bedroom?!
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that little bedroom became my sister’s office…complete with some awesome pull out gift-wrapping drawers
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view from kitchen towards backyard
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backyard…view from the gazebo
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backyard vignettes

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It’s empty now, but I know the new owner will create fun and amazing memories in our beloved home!

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my sister is going to miss this big ass walk-in closet! (although her new one is pretty awesome too!)

Thanks for joining me on this trip down memory lane, reliving some great moments in a great home that our parents had the vision to buy and M&P had the tenacity and perseverance to bring back to life.

…and the sails will have to be adjusted as we close this chapter in our family.

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Happiness Advantage..Principle #2..The Fulcrum and the Lever

“Change your performance by changing your mindset”…Shawn Achor  I know that may sound very simplistic, but it really is that easy….and science has proven it!  Okay, it’s not easy, but with practice I think it becomes one’s norm.

After listening to the 12 chapters on the Fulcrum and the Lever it occurred to me that my signature quote on emails and at the end of every blog post embodies this principle…You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”

Everyone has the choice and free will to adjust their attitude from a negative mindset (pain, stress, uncertainty) to a positive mindset (gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism).  Achor uses the see-saw to explain this principle.  If two boys are on a see-saw and one is larger than the other you can change the position of the fulcrum to even out their weights and make it easier for the lighter boy to lift the heavier boy….or the boulder in the above picture.  By adjusting your brain with more positive thoughts, which translates into actions, you can change your reality (I underlined that because you’re perception is almost definitely different than someone else’s and therefore becomes YOUR reality..not the only reality).  The world changes based on the observer.

Because this is the basic premise of the this principle I thought I’d just cite some of the studies that Achor cites, to show you how powerful the mind is and how your mindset can change your reality.

  • Ellen Langer did a study in which she took a group of 75 year old men and told them they were going on a week-long retreat.  They were not allowed to bring any current magazines, books, newspapers…no cell phones or internet.  When they got there they were told to make believe they were back in 1959, when most of the men were in their mid 50’s.  There were magazines from 1959 on the coffee tables and i.d. badges with a picture of themselves at 55.  They were told to talk about current events…Eisenhower, etc… that were taking place at the time.  Some of the men started dressing as they would have back in 1959 and even referring to their jobs in the present tense.  Before they went on the retreat Langer tested them on age related conditions…strength, perception, cognition, short term memory…to name a few.  The were tested again after the retreat and they improved on every test, and for some even on eyesight!  Whaaaaaat?  Langer also asked random people to look at a picture of each participant before the retreat and after.  These random people, on average, guessed 3 years younger on the after pictures.  Whaaaaat?  Come on, that’s some pretty powerful shit!

  • Placebo and nocebo affect:  A group of Japanese researchers did a study in which a group of boys were blindfolded and told that one arm was being brushed with a poisonous tree (similar to poison ivy) and the other brushed with just any old bush.  All of the participants had some form of a rash, boils and itching associated with the poisonous plant…BUT on the arm that was brushed with the basic bush.  The other arm, which had been brushed with a poisonous plant, had almost no reaction, except for a couple of the boys.  Whaaaat? That is the power of suggestion!

  • more power of suggestion: Another Langer study (along with colleague Alia J. Crum) was done using the cleaning staff at seven hotels.  Half the group was told that their work involves a lot of exercise and that they were burning “x” amount of calories just by doing the job they’d been doing for years. The other half of the group was not given this information.  At the end of the 4 week study the “informed” group had lost weight, lowered their blood pressure and BMI. In reality they hadn’t done anything different, but the power of suggestion made it so. Whaaaaat?

  • A group of Asian women were given a math test of two separate occasions. The first time they were primed with the suggestion that they might not do as well as men because men are usually better at math.  The second time they were told to focus on their Asian heritage and that they were typically thought to be better at math.  Guess what? Yup…they tested higher on the 2nd test.  Whaaaat?

These are just a few of the studies Achor sites to prove his point.  Your mindset predicts your future and your brain reacts to what you think will happen even before it happens.  He then goes on to explain that when you change your mindset as it pertains to unpleasant activities, it can change your perception of them and hopefully make them less unpleasant.  I used his strategy on one of my least favorite things to do…laundry. Instead of thinking “ugh, I have to do laundry today!” I said to myself “how lucky am I that I have a washer/dryer right in my garage that makes it easy to do my laundry!”  I know it may sound silly, but it really did make the task more pleasant and I seemed to get it done faster.  I didn’t have a washer/dryer for over 3 years (except for my good friend Renee!) and it is easier now to do my laundry….and for that I’m grateful!

The more you believe you will succeed, the more likely that you will. I can actually use my kids as an example on this one. My son is not a tall man (he’s taller than the 5’2″ was-band, but he wouldn’t be confused with a basketball player), yet I don’t think it ever occurred to him that he couldn’t play a sport that he wanted to play. He had never played football until his freshman year of high school, yet he was the starting center and given the “un-sung” hero award at their banquet because, as the coach said, “this line-up shouldn’t have worked, but it did.” He had also never played lacrosse before high school, but ended up as goalie, played four years in college and went on to coach it for a year in England after college.  My daughter got A’s in math in 5th grade, but her 5th grade teacher recommended her for 6th grade math instead of pre-algebra, where all of her friends were placed. She was so crushed that we had to petition for her to be in pre-algebra, which is where, against her counselor’s recommendation, she ended up in 6th grade. She then went on to take Geometry in summer school between 7th & 8th grade, had to walk over to the high school to take Algebra in 8th, went to the local college for her senior year math class and minored in Math in college. Her determination to succeed…and also probably to prove her 5th grade teacher wrong…made it happen. They both remember me saying to them on more than one occasion, when they’d say to me “I can’t” I’d usually say, “well, with that attitude you’ll be right!”

Now, Achor goes on to say that it doesn’t mean that you should have false or unrealistic affirmations or belief in your abilities, like “I’m the greatest thing in the world”….I think that’s called narcissism….but it does mean that it’s important to believe that you can improve your abilities.  Which brings me to a growth mindset…the belief that allows you to change through experience and the application of skills…as opposed to a fixed mindset…the belief that this is as good as it gets and that’s it, period.  Self doubt and the belief that something can’t happen starts you out at a dis-advantage.  Focus on the successes, not what might, or did, go wrong….learn from the failures, and you should fail in order to know what NOT to do next time.

There are many more chapters on fulcrum/lever as it pertains to the workplace, focusing on finding your calling using this principle…and how managers and bosses can use this positive mindset to create a pleasant, more productive work environment.  As I’ve said before…get the book or download it on audible (it’s great to listen to in the car)..this is just a synopsis…although it is quite a long post!

Lastly, I like that Achor references Sonja Lyubomirsky’s belief that we ‘create or construct happiness, as opposed to the more popular pursuit of happiness’ because it is something we can create if we put our mind to it.

You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!”

What are your FAVORITE websites??

It seems that every day brings a million new apps and websites to click on and try out….and it’s hard to keep up…here are a few of my favorites…

Unroll.me.. This is an awesome website/app that takes all of your subscriptions/junk mail/websites and rolls them into one neatly organized file.  It keeps your in-box from being cluttered, but also allows you to get those “deals” you don’t want to miss, but maybe when it’s more convenient for you.

The Skimm…I think most of you already get this one, but if not what are you waiting for? It’s a concise synopsis of current events delivered to your inbox every morning.  The snarky lingo makes it fun too!

Houzz…it’s a time-sucker!  Everything relating to your home…decorating, landscaping, lighting, etc….
Pinterest…you probably already use it, but I had to put it down just in case there are some hold-outs out there.  It’s like a bulletin board for your interests.  My favorite use for it is when I’m planning a trip.  No need for bulky guide books, just pin places your interested in visiting and add directions, times, phone numbers, etc… One easy place to store all that info/research you’ve been doing. You’ll need wi-fi to connect when you get to your destination to access the info.  So much fun!…another time-sucker. 
Roadie….it’s like Uber for your stuff!  Read about it here.  (Oh…and I love Uber of course!)
 

Lennyletter...Feminism, style, health, politics, friendship and everything else from Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner.

Upworthy…My favorite! “Every day, we tell positive, genuine, meaningful stories that are worth reading, watching and sharing with your friends.”
…and here’s an article from StumbleUpon about a little trick to help you sleep…and who couldn’t use that tip after your fun Cinco de Mayo event last night!
Share your favorite websites!  I’d love to know what you’re clicking on!
Have a FABULOUS weekend!
 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Motivational Monday…leap

You don’t always need a plan.
Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go
and see what happens…Mandy Hale

Sometimes you just need to take the leap
and build your wings on the way down…Kobi Yamada

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

Book Review…The Swans of Fifth Avenue

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My book club read The Swans of Fifth Avenue by Melanie Benjamin this past month and I had them all over last night….book club, not the swans.  It’s a fictionalized account of Truman Capote and his relationship with the society women he called his swans.  The people and some events were true, but Benjamin takes liberties with some events too and conversations that may or may not have taken place.

The book starts out very dishy and gossipy and we all thought it would be an “I can’t wait to get home and read it” kind of book.  It was not….but it was an interesting and very disturbing look at the top 1%.  It’s hard to believe at times how out of touch with reality these people are and their lack of moral compass.  Let’s just say Truman Capote was not a nice man…great author, but not a nice man.  I enjoyed the book and all the references to New York City and I would recommend it, but it’s not a “can’t put it down” kind of book.

I do love a theme though and decorating the table is always the most fun when I have a dinner party!

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a FABULOUS group of women…we’re missing a few that couldn’t make it….and the picture taker, Melissa
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all that’s left of the yummy, decadent dessert that Mimi brought

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!

An Afternoon Stroll through Floral Park

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Thanks to my friends…who happen to be neighbors…Jan, Kelly and Vicki, I enjoyed a glorious afternoon last weekend strolling through the beautiful and historical Floral Park enclave in Santa Ana.  It was their annual home tour.  The pride of ownership shows in every detail in every home and garden we visited.  I learned about a few new plants I’d like to add to my yard and some adorable decorating ideas.

It’s best said with pictures…….Enjoy!!

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Owner bought the French chandelier from Goodwill for $100!

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love this little vignette on the backyard covered patio

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some people are so f-ing clever!

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hard to see them, but there are black curtains flanking the front door

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cutest doorbell

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how cute is this little guest bathroom display

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my new favorite tree, a Palo Verde…this pic doesn’t do it justice..a beautiful canopy of yellow flowers and a bright green trunk

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look at that Cotswold style roof and amazing floral arch

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made me laugh…probably’ cause it’ll be true someday!

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can you spot the butterfly in this butterfly garden?

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IMAG0827I got away with taking pics in the first house and then had to sneak the others…not as many as I would have liked to share, but get tickets next year so you can enjoy it too!  It’s usually in April and there’s a boutique, vintage car display and food vendors too!  …or if you can’t wait, just drive through this historic neighborhood and take in the beautiful homes and gardens.

 You cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!